TRUTH IS...TUESDAY 5/12/15

Truth is… his family (new guy) was a little too loose with their conversations about me, but again he stepped in and had my back. I received an apology for the hurtful words and was assured that it was not a problem with us being together. I was even told how much they loved my son! WELL…I had trust issues so that went in one ear and out the other! But enough of the “commercial breaks” Let’s get back to our regular scheduled program…. The arguing about petty stuff continued PLUS I had to deal with this girlfriend of his. Ugh! She worked my last nerve and the word on the street was a baby was on the way…SO! …On the cool it really hurt my feelings. Why? Well…

1. My son was supposed to be his ONLY child.
2. I did not care for her!
3. And I did not want our children to be siblings.
4. AND then he didn’t even take care of my child properly! What was he thinking?

Well I will make this situation a little challenging and not peaceful (I know…I am wrong for it).  As I reflect on these memories I’m laughing because I was so petty! Thank you God for growth! But back to my pettiness (LOL)! I tried to play it cool with everyone stating that I could care less about him becoming a father AGAIN but deep down I was hurt to the core. Listen up until now I would have never admitted that to anyone but I am pretty sure that the lady who reads me like a book knew because she is my MOMMA! I struggled with this for a while but eventually I got over it.  I’ve had my share of drama…DELIVERING and RECEIVING…Wait for it…..See you next week!

Truth is...Tuesday 4/21/15

   Truth is...I was back on the dating scene, but my new guy had a little  problem….He did not like the fact that my child’s father and I wasn't so pleasant with each other (arguing, fussing and “cussing).  So because I enjoyed his company I worked extremely hard to eliminate a lot of the negative vibe that happened between us. Not only was I a fan of my new beau but my son took a liking to him and he for Landon. Finally I felt a sense of happiness and I could see a little light at the end of the tunnel.  Now, there was one thing that I was not fond of…  he was still in school and I knew the long distance would probably be an issue, but why focus on that when happiness was right in front of me.

   Christmas was here and I was so excited about the gift giving for Landon!  So many were fond of this little boy of mine so he received and overabundance of gifts from my family and his dad. Now in my opinion his daddy could have kicked in a little more…”Oh, yall did not ask for my opinion huh” LOL! But of course I was just being “Petty Patty”! Now his dad had the option to come in and opened the gifts with his son but my previous actions and attitude made him think long and hard added with a “No Thank Ya”…. Now listen, I was trying to change but he was judging me from my prior behavior not giving me a chance (Now don’t ever get it twisted I can still go off if necessary....lol!)
This new leaf I was trying to turn over had me allowing Landon to begin his visits back with his father, but of course there was no structure or disciplined or rules to follow. Trying to show him respect I wanted the new boyfriend to meet Landon’s father so that he would not worry about being disrespected as Landon’s dad, but his actions showed that he could care less about what male figure was around his son.  His actions pissed me off because he seemed so unconcerned about his son. The conversation went more like this

Him: “Sue shut up” I could care less about some guy you are dating. I don't care about that man as long as he don't hurt my child. And that was the end.

My boyfriend and I had a good relationship but there was one thing, his mom did not like the fact that I had a child. He tried to ease my thoughts about his mother’s opinion telling me that he didn't care what she thought but I knew that was a lie because if he couldn’t respect his mother’s opinion then that would be a “sneakpeak” on what he thought about mine. So I knew her opinion matter…THAT was his momma! So here I go again with the questions to myself; why me? Why can't I be happy? What am I doing wrong?
He tried to insure me that everything was going to be OK and I tried to trust that until my son and I was disrespected to the 5th degree!
         And now I am seeing REEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDD

TRUTH IS...TUESDAY 4/7/15

Truth is…This man known as my son’s dad got on my last nerve and I’m pretty sure the feelings were mutual on his end….First HAIRCUT Time!  Now, Landon didn’t have bad hair but I was tired of trying to make it look right…lol.  He made it perfectly clear to me that he wanted to take him to get his 1st haircut BUT his time was definitely not my time….SO IF YOU KNOW ME… You are right! I took him and sent the evidence of what went down. After that picture traveled through the airwaves OHHHH! I was everything but La’Marion Keyuna Patterson.  He had the nerve to express that I was not allowing him to step into his role and be the daddy….. Not true at all! I was just impatient buddy! He does things on his own time and that time is known as FOREVER!  Well no use to whining about it now…. Landon’s hair was cut and you know I was happy…lol

So those who know me also know that I am one of the “best kept secret” I am the best “birthday party thrower” EVER!…..Oh Yea, and  I am an “over the top mom”….. it was time for my baby’s 1st birthday! I had my wheels turning and my ideas spitting! I was planning him a HUGE birthday party (Well two...one at home and one at school)  and I was so excited about it. Now I thought me and this man would be able to come together for a common goal of celebrating our son BUT!  he had other plans and I was not included….”Well I NEVER!”  He expressed that he wanted him the weekend of his birthday, which meant he was having my baby a birthday party and I wasn’t invited! BOY was I mad about that! The day arrived and it was time for him to go with his dad. I still gave him an invite to the EXTRAVAGANZA I was giving, but he quickly let me know that there was no need because he would not be attending.  Now you know I was heated but politely placed my child in the car and said unkind thoughts and words danced in my head!  While Landon was gone I wondered all day what was going on WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY planned for him? Was he enjoying himself? Did he like the cake? Was his lungs being filled with second-hand smoke (LOL)? Questions after questions rambling through my head. But to my surprise Landon came back with a smile on his little face and it honestly looked like he had fun! Well he was just 11 months… I get him when he officially turns ONE!...lol!

      Honestly everyone I thought the 1st year of his life was difficult to co parent but these stories get better…SIKE! …..Pray for me

TRUTH IS...TUESDAY...3/24/15

Truth is...Looking back, I probably should have been evaluated for mental stability, or lack of it, because I was going through TOO MUCH! I tried to act like the grown up in this very immature situation but, I was still hot and my nails were still itching to claw out some eyes! I had a pep talk with myself, even though I didn’t want to hear what my own voice of reason had to say, but I finally listened and decided to follow the lead of the good angel on my shoulder for the sake of Landon. I contacted “him” and told him I was ready to cooperate and he could come and get Landon on his scheduled weekends. So when the 1st visit came around  I cried like a baby from the thought of  him being away from me.  What made it even worse was the thought of their “house rules”. My baby had severe asthma but there was not a NO SMOKING sign available to hang for the safety of my baby….but I had to let him go. After all the worrying and crying I did, it didn’t even matter because he never showed up. Then the following Friday when he was supposed to get him again - yep you guessed it, a “No show”, with a lame excuse of how he over slept. Well that was starting to be the norm when it was his weekend and coming to him getting him. On one occasion I was at the beauty salon and he was supposed to pick him up.  Now my emotions were all over the place and I wanted to check out the safety of the car seat for my baby (being nosey)! I put Landon in the car and what do I scope out …. “Girlfriends things”!  I went OFF and took Landon back inside – visit OVER!  Yes, I know it was so petty! He was pretty upset and by his standards I was stupid and he was done. Now I’ve heard this before so you know my lips were twisted as in “Yea Right”.....lol! You would think our drama would have ended by the time

TRUTH IS...3/10/15

Truth is....I just didn’t want to see “MY BABY” go with this boy! I would attend church and a waterfall of tears would flow because of the absent identity of him in Landon’s life. The “dreadful” day arrived (for me anyway) when we had to do supervised visitation at McDonald’s! I was not in the right mindset to see him but “Slap” kept running through my mind. Plainly said “I was a bitter black woman!”  We finally made it to McDonald's where they “Love to see your smile”….well I was minus the smile but I did have an attitude…. PLUS, someone did not follow the rules of the court…..”Sir, the document said only the parents, why is your homeboy in attendance?” but I didn't have the strength to argue today. My location was the corner while he attempted to play with Landon, but of course he kept running to me. Did the clock stop or is this the longest hour of my life?  UGH!! The 2nd visit was the same. Now it was time for him to have an unsupervised visit with “MY” son…. BUT an introduction of THIS girlfriend that was going to be around my son needed to happen first!  Yes I was young, dumb, and mad!.. AND SOOOOO WHAT!!! He set up the meeting at his mom's house and the situation had just gotten REAL!

My mom and granny was in the car and requested that I be on my best behavior. I’ll try!...Now  I really did but I was set up for failure! The “most hated” couple (my opinion) came outside while several eyes peaked out the window! PROBLEM #1(What are ya’ll looking at?). I have now went from 0 to25. Problem #2 Instead of him being a man and introducing us, he stood behind her with his arms folded…. 25 to75 NOW! I gave her “simple” instructions to follow 1.DO NOT touch my baby 2. DO NOT be alone with him, if Chris goes to the store make sure Landon goes with him. NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULES…. As I walked away they both made a smart comment…  DON’T ASK ME “Well La’Marion, what did they say? Who cares but I went from 75 to Kill!!! I SNAPPED! I threw items at her car and called EVERYBODY in the house everything but a child of the King! You know the next statement out of a MAD Baby momma’s mouth  “You will NEVER SEE “MY” child again! Yep I was that CHIC! Thank God for Growth

Truth is...Tuesday 2/24/15

Truth is...I was an emotional wreck! Landon was released from the hospital with so many specific instructions for a young mother. I was failing in school, couldn’t seem to catch up, and my focus was off…so I gave in and decided to quit.  I had to refocus my goals and my son and his health was my main priority. Now the arguments was still a “go” between the parental units and whenever I thought of his non participation in this thing call “parenthood” I would call and give him the blues!  One day I received a call and a letter from a lawyer requesting “child support” JUST KIDDING! Actually saying he wanted his rights granted to see Landon…. Ha! You have to be kidding me because you have had any opportunities to see you son. I informed the lawyer that I needed time to obtain legal help as well and pay the fees…but let’s fast forward...
One night Landon fell ill and it was followed with a high temperature. We rushed him to the ER, and they ran so many test on him.  When the test results returned it showed that he had fluid around his lungs (My sweet baby)….. Landon wouldn’t eat or drink anything so he was also dehydrated! Lord…Why my Child!  I couldn't miss work so my support system (mom and granny) was ready to take charge and we would take shifts…they would stay during the day and I would come right after work and spend a night.  One Thursday evening his lawyer called to check on the update of me obtaining an attorney. I had to be honest 1. I couldn't afford it and 2. My son’s health had been the only thing on my mind at this time.  He began to ask questions about if the father had been notified and I informed him on the calls and texts he received but no responses back from him nor a visit. The lawyer was so surprised (I Don’t Know Why!!!!) which he let me know that he would get back in touch later. After he did call back he proceeded to apologized for his client’s behavior and wanted to see if I was willing to work out visitations. Well my son was sick and there needed to be special instructions to care for my boy.  So I suggested that the visits needed to be supervised, and I gave him weekend hours (Fridays from 6-9, Saturday and Sunday from 9-6) the lawyer made the comment of my considerate heart and actually because that was more than he was thinking. I tried but guess what....I'll tell you next time!

Truth is...Tuesday 2/10/2015

Truth is... I was so excited to be returning back to school! I had enrolled at Eastfield Community College and I felt that my life was finally getting back on track. Where is the drama? It was still lurking, but I had made up in my mind that I was not allowing it to take up my time.  My son was starting to become sick frequently and he was my MAIN priority. One particular day his breathing seemed abnormal. I took him to his pediatrician and found out his oxygen levels were low. What started as a “routine” visit to the doctor, quickly turned into an emergency when the office called 911 to transport us to Children's Medical.  When we arrived at the ER they gave him breathing treatments back to back, but his condition was not getting any better. They came back and told me that he was diagnosed with RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus) and they would have to keep him. As a new mother my heart was hurt because I didn't want my baby to have to endure this pain and illness. This is a time where I wish I could take the sickness from him and carry it in my body. Landon’s dad was notified when all this began but again his priorities were out of order and his girlfriend had high rank. He informed me that he was not in town and he would not return until Wednesday…Now where could he be that he could not drop whatever for his sickly son…Where else taking his girlfriend back to school! (DUH!) UGGH!. My thoughts were "Tomorrow is not promised"! BUT I assumed he could care less. I remained at the hospital day and night praying and holding on to my son with the support of my family and friends. One night I was awakened by a piercing cry, from next door - a mother had lost her baby to RSV. My stomach dropped and the tears begin to fall because I did not want to lose my son.   I immediately pick Landon up and held him close and tight in my arms.  The next morning Landon would not eat or drink anything and his fever was off the charts.  The IV had busted in his hand and I felt like my world was about to crumble. As I cried and cried I remember a male nurse saying “mom I'm praying for you, and God has his hand of protection over you and your son.” I called his daddy and finally he decided to grace us with his presence. I was so angry and heated that I immediately began to think “He could have just stayed where he was”. Well, as you might have guessed we could not be cordial to each other which means there had to be an argument hanging in the air. We REALLY argued that night, so much so that the nurse had called security and they asked that he leave. I’m grateful because I had foreseen this situation not ending well AT ALL!  From then on it was just Landon and I fighting through this thing because he never returned nor called to do a follow-up check concerning his son. TRUTH IS….. IT ONLY GETS WORSE